I was raised as an alt. right fundamentalist Christian in Gillette Wyoming. Many men in my family were Republican politicians. I met Dick Cheney when I was 10 because he was friends with my Dad and I volunteered on John Thunes campaign in middle school (yikes). I was the poster child for defending the Bible, advocating for a Christian nation, anti-choice, racist (though I never would have called it that), and homophobic. As a little girl, Dad made me memorize pages of scripture verses weekly, write Christian essays and as a historian, grilled me on American history. It was constant. But I was smart, and I soaked all the information in. I grew up in church, all christian schools, graduated from Liberty University and even studied theology in Israel… and then things began to change.
Last year I started writing down my journey. It was more like journaling than anything else. I was documenting growing up in fundamentalism, the abuse in my home, the devastation of my family split. It was like writing love letters to the girl who just wanted to run, letting her know she was safe, that she got out. And it was lining up the steps and events that led to my eventual deconstruction from Americas brand of “christianity”. Which isn’t in alignment with Christ, at all.
I’ve watched in horror as MAGA and the Republican party at large uses the fundamentalist ideals I grew up with, rife with misogyny, white supremacy and prejudice to enact laws across this country. As soon as Roe fell I knew what they were going for. I grew up in church with them telling us EXACTLY what they were going to do, this has been a long con. I find it deeply offensive that the loving, gracious, generous teachings of a brown, middle eastern, refugee, have been twisted and manipulated into weapons used to oppress the very poor and the outsider that He came to serve. If only the right would spend a quarter of the time actually reading the Bible as they do selling it.
Slowly, I started to make little videos commenting on current events and bills. I feel uniquely and strangely qualified to talk about whats happening. After all, I was raised to be one of the foot soldiers of the Christians “holy war”. Then I started sharing my writings and little stories with people who asked “please write a book”. Now how did they know that my first dream was to be an author?? And I thought about it. And I thought about it. And I kept writing. I made the decision I would release a book and that even my music would be to take a stance against this movement, this regime, at all costs. I planned on releasing it all at the end of this year. Then Derek showed up.
I don’t know why his comment aggravated me so much. Maybe I’m just so sick of the arrogance, the vitriol, the judgement from people who don’t know a goddamn thing about the Bible. I’d had enough. And I did my little clap back.
I was unprepared for the response.
The video blew up in ways I couldn’t have predicted and resonated SO DEEPLY with so many people. Who knew that this many people wanted to hear about the God of the Bible who commanded us to love one another and help the poorest and most vulnerable among us. My comments and messages exploded with people who had left the church, deconstructed, those who were questioning, and ESPECIALLY members of the LGBT+ community who had been so deeply ostracized and abandoned by it. When Billy Porter shared the video I almost died right on the spot.
I had no idea how many people had a similar story to mine. I didn’t know that this little idea I’ve been watering could resonate so deeply. I didn’t plan to do any of “this” yet. But I believe that now is the time.
I was raised as an alt. right fundamentalist Christian.
Now, a deeply spiritual deconstructed intellectual. An infinitely kinder and more compassionate woman since walking away. I am unwilling to stay silent. As someone uniquely qualified to flip tables and hold the establishment accountable, that journey starts now.
So here I’m going to document my own deconstruction journey. Discuss American politics in the light of the fundamentalist movement that drives it. Teach the sinister American history involving the church, women’s rights, and racism. And be loud and vicious about it. The time for decorum has long past I think.
Thanks Derek.
“And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.”
1 Corinthians 13:2
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